Let's play "Where's White Girl?"

This map of the Bay Area popped up all over Facebook last week.  Wanna venture a guess at my neighborhood?  


Thankfully still close to the Mexican border, because fried rice cravings can only be rivaled by taco cravings.  Oh, and near the GayTown border where I go to work out, unmolested, at my nice clean gym.  God, life is grand.

YES YOU CAN! ...Make New Year's Dumplings

Gung Hay Fat Choy!  Yep, even after 3 years of Mandarin classes I still say it the super-whitey way.  It’s a hard language, OK?

With the feasts, parades, monetary gifts, candy, superstitions and firecrackers, Lunar New Year is like Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween and the 4^th of July rolled into one.   Seriously: get on board. 

Being a culturally sensitive Californian means a formidable number of holidays to thwart your New Year’s resolutions.  After January 1^st caps off else’s celebrating, we fire up the Yule Log all over again on the 7^th for Orthodox (Russian) Christmas.  Then Chinese New Year comes knocking, followed by Easter and THEN Orthodox Easter… and then we just have April through October to work off all the turkey, wine, vodka and piroshky before we start all over again.  Thank god they threw Lent in there or we’d all have one politically correct foot in the grave. 

So you know: Chinese New Year is a “real” holiday here.  People take time off with their families.  There’s a giant parade, music, people celebrating in the streets.  It’s not like, you know, Kwanzaa or something.  My 7 year old stepdaughter came home last week and informed me that this year we “honor the dragon”.  Mind you, she attends Catholic prep.  I imagine all the Irish parents grumbling behind closed doors about their kids studying that “f-ing Oriental horoscope bullshite” in school.  

Given we’re not Asian, our celebration’s contained to 1 day and consists of giving out HongBao (red envelopes) with a VERY small amount of money in them (after two Christmases, Santa’s a broke-ass), and of course DUMPLINGS.   They’re easier than they look so don’t be intimidated by the folding.  By next year my stepdaughter’s will be better than mine. Although she does have those pirogi-making babushka genes. Not fair!

I’ve used this recipe for years.  You can double or triple the recipe as they freeze well.  Freeze them in a single layer first before transferring them to a large freezer bag or Tupperware.  Otherwise they’ll stick together.  

CHINESE NEW YEAR DUMPLINGS

For Dumplings:

½ lb Napa Cabbage, very finely chopped. (regular green cabbage will work)

1 tsp salt

1 bunch green onions or chives, finely chopped

3 Tbls sesame oil

1 tsp sugar

¼ tsp white pepper

1 egg white

1 Tbls Chinese rice wine

½ lb. ground pork

25 dumpling wrappers

For Dipping Sauce:

2 Tbls Chinese Rice Wine Vinegar

2 Tbls soy sauce

1 tsp sesame oil

1 Tbls chili paste

(mix together and serve on side)

MAKE THE FILLING:

Toss the cabbage with ½ tsp of the salt and allow to sit for 20 minutes.  Drain any excess water and stir in the green onions. 

Mix sesame oil, sugar, remaining ½ tsp salt, white pepper, egg white and wine into the pork.  Add the cabbage and green onions and mix well. 

FOLD THE DUMPLINGS:

Place a small bowl of water next to your workspace.  Place about a tablespoon of filling in the center of a wrapper.  Dip your finger in the water and trace the rim of the wrapper to help it seal.  

Pick up the wrapper in a taco shape and, starting at one end, create folds and seal the sides of the wrapper together into a half moon shape.  **Beginner tip:  Start with a smaller amount of filling in the dumpling until you get the hang of making the seal without everything squirting out the end.

COOK THE DUMPLINGS:

Bring a large pot of water to boil.  Add dumplings, cook for 7 minutes then drain.

-OR Potsticker Style-

Place several dumplings in a large skillet.  Add ½ inch of water and bring to brisk simmer.  Cover and cook until water is gone and dumplings are browning, shaking pan to dislodge dumplings from the pan.  

TA DAAAA!

Henry's Hunan Chinatown -

Why are there so few Hunan restaurants?  It’s a mystery and a travesty.  Every time I go to Henry’s Hunan I’m terrified that my subconscious might have, in hindsight, magnified the level of deliciousness, and that I will inevitably disappointed.  It never happens.  It’s always more stupidly tasty than I remember.  I inevitably leave, waddling, with chili smears and a drunk happy look on my face. 

Today was my first visit to the Chinatown location.  Obviously a visit to San Francisco’s Chinatown has a lot to do with where to eat.  If you’re the bunghole that leads your compatriots into the King of Crappy Frozen Dumplings, well you’ve pretty much ruined the experience for everyone.  Thank god for Yelp, you say?  Well then, smarty pants, why are Yelpers so ga-ga for House of Nanking?  Take a pass on House of Nanking unless you enjoy holding up the wall outside for an hour before eating average dishes.  Bee-line for Henry’s instead.  Preferably, wear some kind of elastic waistband. 

It's a very modest spot.  A few laminate tables and barstools downstairs by the kitchen.  Go up a few raggedy stairs to the upper level, where your plates rumble upstairs from the chefs via an old, narrow dumbwaiter.   They've spent more time on the food than the decor... and it was time well spent.  

What to eat:

Spicy Rock Cod:  A must-order.  Inside the (not greasy) breading is a huge mass of juicy white fish.  There is ared, spicy sauce full of pepper seeds all over it.  With white rice to cut the spice, it’s perfection.   Get this or the Braised Rock Cod.  Even if you NEVER order fish.  Just this one time.  Trust me.

Harvest Pork:  Not a diet dish - absolutely amazing.  Full of umami and delicious barely- crunchy cabbage. 

Hot and Sour Chicken or Beef (or anything):  (NOT the same as sweet and sour).  This is one of those special Hunan flavors.  Lean and full of al-dente carrots.  They achieve a true sour flavor in the background, unlike most crappy sweet and sour which is, let’s face it, mostly just sweet and icky. 

Shrimp with String Beans:  Only if you like salty dishes (black bean sauce on this, I believe?).  If nothing else, order because they know how to cook a shrimp to perfection, which is a rare talent to possess. 

Orange Chicken:  I can’t believe I’m writing the words “Orange Chicken” but if you’re in a group, there’s always ‘that person’ who will insist.  And it’s actually pretty delicious and full of fresh citrus.  They also exercise artful breading restraint. 

For more tips, check out this fan who has reviewed EVERY dish on his site.  That's love, my brother.  http://greasepig.com/henrys/menu_2.html

Oyster and Soy, Sittin' In a Tree (With Recipes for Pork Chow Mein and Baby Bok Choy in Oyster Sauce)

Chefs on TV are always waxing poetic about simplicity.  These are people who have an unlimited cornucopia of ingredients and kitchen tools at their disposal. Yet, after they’ve gone down the rabbit hole of gussied-up dishes that require 1,000 steps and a flambé flourish, they seem to start paring back to simple but perfectly prepared cuisine.  Short ingredient lists are hot hot hot. 

There are two ingredients that, when used together, are pretty fail-safe in the Asian kitchen: oyster sauce and soy sauce.  My cooking skills are not such that I can rely on technique alone to make a dish exceptional. Doctoring is often in order halfway through preparing dinner.  When in doubt I employ Sriracha “liberally”.  That makes just about anything edible.  An oyster/soy mix can also often save a sauce that is misbehaving. 

You can conjure up wickedly successful dishes with this very simple combination.  If you read the recipes for MANY popular stir-fries, the sauce bases rely on these two cheap, easy to find ingredients.  If you don’t have these things in your pantry already… seriously, what are you doing here?  Get your butt off my blog and into 99 Ranch, stat.  Pick up some Sriracha while you’re at it - sheesh.  The rest of you, read on for some O&S recipes.

PORK CHOW MEIN:

When you order Chow Mein at a restaurant, you could be saying one of two things.  You could mean:  “I think ‘authentic’ Chinese food is whack, and mostly made of dog gristle.”   Or you might mean:  “Chow Mein is damn delicious.  You know it, I know it, and I’m not such a hipster that I’m embarrassed to eat it in in public.  So there.”

This recipe is adapted from one by Rhonda Parkinson for About.com.   Yeah, I said About.com.  What’s it to ya?  Delicious is as delicious does, that’s what I always say. 

This version contains soft noodles in a gravy-like sauce.  Using red onions instead of white adds depth of flavor.  Both the sauce AND the marinade are made of oyster and soy sauce.  Doesn’t get any simpler than that.

Ingredients:

Marinade:

1 tablespoon oyster sauce

1 teaspoon soy sauce

Salt and pepper, to taste

¾ teaspoon cornstarch

Sauce:

1/2 cup water or chicken broth

2 tablespoons oyster sauce

2 tablespoons soy sauce

Salt and pepper, to taste

2 tablespoons cornstarch

4 - 6 tablespoons water

Other:

½ pound bean sprouts

8 oz pork loin, sliced thinly

3 ribs celery

1/2 pound bok choy or broccoli

1/2 pound fresh or straw mushrooms

I small red onion

2 green onions or spring onions

3 – 4 cloves garlic

Vegetable oil for frying and stir-frying, as needed

1/4 cup toasted sesame seeds

Preparation:

Mix marinade ingredients thoroughly and add the pork.  Marinate for 20 to 25 minutes.

WHILE MEAT IS MARINATING:

Prepare the sauce:  In a small bowl dissolve the 2 tablespoons cornstarch with the 4 -6 tablespoons water. Whisk the water or chicken broth with the oyster sauce, soy sauce and cornstarch/water mixture and set aside.

Cook the noodles according to the package directions.  Shoot for al dente - do not overcook noodles.

Cut the celery and the bok choy into 1/2-inch pieces on the diagonal.   Clean and slice the mushrooms. Peel and chop the onion. Cut the green parts of the green onions into 1-inch strips, and chop the white ends into smaller pieces.

Heat a wok or frying pan over medium-high to high heat. Add 2 tablespoons oil. When the oil is hot, add the noodles. Fry in batches for 4-5 minutes, adding oil as needed. Remove the noodles from the pan.

Heat 2 tablespoons oil. Add the onion and the meat.  Stir-fry until the redness is gone and the meat is nearly cooked through. Remove the cooked meat and onion from the pan.

Heat 1 tablespoon of oil.  Stir fry the bok choy, celery, mushrooms, garlic and bean sprouts for 2-3 minutes until softened.

Give the sauce a quick restir. Add the meat and onions back into the wok, making a "well" in the middle if the wok for the sauce. Add the sauce and bring to a simmer, stirring quickly to thicken. Mix everything together. Stir in the green onions. Pour the cooked vegetable and sauce mixture on top of the noodles. Garnish with the toasted sesame seeds.

BABY BOK CHOY IN OYSTER SAUCE

A simple side dish that pairs well with just about any Asian meal and can be prepared in less than 10 minutes.  You can substitute many other greens with tasty results.  This really sets off the bright, slightly bitter taste of the bok choy. 

Ingredients:

1 ½ pounds Baby Bok Choy

2 cloves garlic

3 tablespoons oyster sauce

3 tablespoons soy sauce

2 teaspoons cornstarch

2 tablespoons water

Vegetable Oil, for cooking

Cut ends off of baby bok choy and separate leaves.  Leave the “hearts” in the middle of the bok choy intact. 

Dissolve cornstarch in water in a small bowl.  Mix oyster sauce and soy sauce together in a separate bowl.

Heat a wok or pan on medium-high or high heat.  Add 1 tablespoon oil.  Add bok choy and stir fry, 30 seconds.  Add garlic and stir fry 1-2 minutes more, until bok choy begins to wilt.  Add oyster/soy mixture and stir 1-2 times.  Add cornstarch mixture a bit at a time, stirring constantly, until sauce has achieved desired thickness.  Serve at once.